Climbing Out Of Hibernation
Although spring is on the way I have been frozen in a season of winter.
My body and mind crave isolation, time at home, my own personal form of hibernation. I can’t quite seem to catch up on energy. No matter how much time I spend at home, it’s not enough, I crave more. Knowing I must leave the house for work, for groceries, for exercise, has become a burden.
This cold spell has me wrapping myself in hoodies and sweatpants and finding cozy spots to lounge. I’ve been taking naps during the day and then staying up late into the night. I’ve been spending most of my free time watching a show, binge scrolling or browsing for clothes and makeup. I’ve been neglecting my day to day chores and I’ve been avoiding texts and phone calls. I haven’t been able to bring myself to journal or write. I’ve picked up my journal, carried it with me from room to room, but when I open it, my brain rebels.
I recognize this pattern, this routine is not unfamiliar to me. Feeling overwhelmed and depleted of mental energy makes it more difficult to perform daily tasks. This typically means it’s also more challenging to lean on healthy coping strategies as it requires a bit of effort. I end up doing the easier thing—leaning into less healthy coping mechanisms such as getting lost in my phone for hours at a time. Screen time, when not used in moderation, has a tendency to deplete my energy even further. And so the vicious cycle goes round and round as I sit and watch it unfold before me.
My Kryptonite
Whenever I find myself in this funk it is especially challenging for me to reign in my browsing/shopping and social media scrolling. Both activities encourage me to want, to lust after things and lifestyles my mind has convinced me I need. Looking for that cheap thrill, my next distraction, my brain finds it in the enticing allure of entertainment that requires little to no effort and the sweet promise of a break from reality.
I haven’t been following my intentional shopping rules. I spent money on clothing I didn’t have the budget for and I made some impulse purchases because I fell into the sales trap. My brain in its weakened state didn’t stand a chance. My mind was saying, “You can’t possibly pass up this deal! You would eventually buy these items anyway…think of how much money you’re saving if you buy them now.” How dare these brands run a promotion during my time of vulnerability, the nerve!
Accepting What We Cannot Change, Recognizing What We Can & Knowing When To Act
No matter how much we prepare ourselves, the long, dark days of winter always make their way back around. Sometimes our initial response is to struggle against it, which effectively does nothing except drain us of more energy. What if instead of trying to change the weather we acknowledge that it’s a force we can’t control and simply observe how we are affected by it? This approach ultimately made it possible for me to move forward comforted by the fact that winter, like all seasons, is temporary. On my journey towards seeking shelter and a break from the weather I had to:
1. Accept that I was having a hard time, 2. Recognize that I was stuck in a pattern of unhelpful habits, and 3. Let myself exist as well as I could manage until there came a day when I could muster one small change in my habits.
The Catalyst
I’m not exactly clear on the events of the day, maybe I simply didn’t have the time, but there was one day I didn’t take a nap. By the time 10pm rolled around, I was feeling sleepy. I listened to my body, went straight to bed and I woke up the next day feeling a bit more rested. Like the previous few days I didn’t feel much like writing, but I had just enough energy to make it happen in spite of myself. And since I’ve put pen to paper, it has become easier to replicate the habit. Healthy habits encourage more healthy habits, just as unhelpful habits typically result in more unhelpful behaviors. I’ve been writing for three days in a row, and I’ve finally found a sense of rhythm and purpose again. One small change in my routine, made a huge impact.
Prep Your Toolkit
We don’t always have the energy to employ helpful coping tools, and that’s ok. You’re not alone in your struggle. The important thing is to have an already prepared list of tools you can refer to when you need it. When you’re in the thick of a challenging time, you want your toolkit in an easy to reach spot so in those fleeting moments where you do have the energy or motivation, you can seize the opportunity. Keep that flashlight in your back pocket, you don’t want to have to go looking for it in the dark when you’re already tired and hungry.
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Thanks for reading,
Britt